How God is Working Here.

The following is a letter I wrote to one of my professors last semester. God has used it for the purpose of reminding me of the passion for this ministry and the way He is wanting to work through it.

Dr. K,
I began making trips to Mesa at the first of August after a family asked me if I would be available to visit their great aunt in the city where I go to school. She did not have any children, and because she did not have any extended family members in the area, she rarely received visitors. They offered to pay me twenty-five dollars each week to go and visit her, be sure she had everything she needed, and email them a report of how she was doing.
In the beginning, visiting "N" was a little more difficult then I had originally expected. With every new visit I had to start from “square one” in developing a relationship with her due to her Alzheimer’s disease, and I found it very difficult to connect with her. However, I continued to go out of duty to her family. When my first check from her family arrived in the mail I couldn’t cash it. God convicted me of the fact that if I really wanted to bless her family, I would return the check. In addition, I was hit with the realization that it would be difficult for me to truly love and serve "N" if payment was in any way attached to what I was doing. So I sent the check back. From that moment on my service to "N" and her family became authentic, and God began to do incredible things in my life where I never expected Him to. God began to humble me by reminding me that it was HIM loving her, HIM meeting with her. It was HIM brushing her hair, rubbing lotion on her hands; it was HIM tucking warm blankets around her, HIM encouraging her to eat her food; HIM hugging her and kissing her on the forehead – and NOTHING of myself. I was only the vessel He was using to love "N" through.
That brings me to the purpose of this letter. As God has been taking me through a period of growth and development in Him, He has made me aware that Mesa Nursing Home is to be my mission field for the remainder of my time here. As I was reading the parable of the talents, I realized that I did not want to be the servant who hid what my Master had asked me to look after for Him under the sand; returning to Him, untouched, only what I had originally been given. But instead, I wanted to take the opportunities and direction He had given me and invest it in lives, returning a profit for His kingdom. God has placed me in a mission field that is often forgotten about; a mission field where one of the most marginalized groups in American society resides, and I feel honored to spend much of my time amongst these people. My heart is so attached to these people, and I cannot ignore the need or God’s calling to take a small part in meeting it. And God had been incredibly faithful in opening doors.
I was not aware of how great the need for visitors was at Mesa until I met with the activities coordinator there. Since our initial meeting, she has taken me to meet many of the residents who are confined to their rooms and have few visitors. They include an old rancher whose wife is still living but never visits; another man who was at one point a state representative, and has a deep appreciation for jazz music; and a sweet elderly woman, who came to the nursing home hoping to feel less lonely, but has instead only became more lonesome and jealous for a family that would visit her more often, or someone to genuinely care. These are just a few of the real people and needs that occupy Mesa, there are many more with different stories and just as genuine a need.
The way I hope to meet this need is by making people aware that it exists and providing those who would like to serve in this area an opportunity to get connected in this mission field. I firmly believe that building relationships with these people and demonstrating God’s love to them through serving should be the primary focus. In order to do this, I would like to match each volunteer with an assigned elderly person that they will visit for an hour or so each week. This not only provides an opportunity for deep connections and relationships to form, but it also fosters accountability in the sense that each volunteer knows that they have someone at the nursing home counting on and looking forward to their visits. In addition, the volunteers could work their visits around their schedule; going to visit on a Wednesday afternoon of one week, and a Friday morning of another.
Thus far, there has already been a volunteer who visited her elderly person for the first time on Saturday and has committed to do so every week. In addition, another girl has decided to go back to another nursing home she visited freshman year (after hearing about what God is doing at Mesa) and pursue the ministry opportunities that are there. I have also talked to John, director of the BSM, who has agreed to help provide platforms in getting the word out and a basis through the BSM on campus. Furthermore, the activities director will be providing me with a list of those who need and would like to receive visitors, and I am developing a short information sheet for volunteers so they can be better matched with a resident of the nursing home. God has already done such amazing things in preparing a way, and I am excited to see what He plans to do next. Even if only one other elderly person is impacted through this movement, it will not have gone without fulfilling its purpose.
As you said in class; hearing from God is one thing, but following God is an entirely different endeavor. The task of discerning God’s purpose and calling is not all that is required of us as Christians. He calls us to far more than that; He calls us to live out that calling. Through the years, I have learned that when God reveals His plans to His creation it does not end there, it begins there. I am not sure why God lead me to bring this to you; maybe it was just so you could partner in prayer about it, or maybe He has a unique purpose in this ministry regarding you. However, I do know that nothing that is done in this ministry is going to be as a result of me, or you, or anyone else- but completely by His strength and His faithfulness. He doesn’t need me, He could do this without the help of man; I am just so humbled that He is choosing to use me and I pray that when this is all said and done He can say to me and those involved “Well done, good and faithful servant”.
I want to thank you for taking the time to listen to what is on my heart, and greatly appreciate the godly counsel you have offered.
Lauren

How I am Like a King

It would be safe to say that the story of King Asa is relatively foreign to many church goers today. It is not one of the typical bible stories told in Sunday school, and certainly not referenced nearly as often as other biblical narratives, perhaps because it does not end happily for the King. Regardless, it is a wonderful story that bares similarities to other more popular narratives and carries with it a picture of a man, his relationship with God, and his struggles in that relationship that are relevant today. I was once told that the mark of a good story is found in whether or not it can be applied regardless of time and culture, and this story bares such a mark. I like this narrative because it accurately mirrors not only my life, but the difficulties that many Christians face in combating the flesh and walking with God. It is amazing how the life of a king thousands of years ago can be so similar to the lives of everyday people in the present.

King Asa’s story is recorded in 2 Chronicles 14-16. In the beginning of 2Chronicles 14, Asa has succeeded his father, Abijah, on the throne as King Solomon’s great grandson and the third King of Judah. During the time that King Asa received his throne the scripture tells us that Asa was walking closely with the Lord. He removed foreign alters and high places, smashed sacred stones, and cut down the ashrah poles, commanding Judah to seek the God of their father’s and listen to and obey Him, “…and the kingdom was at peace under him” 2 Chronicles 14:5. As time progressed Asa built up the fortified cities of Judah and an army of three hundred thousand brave fighting men; all of it prospered. “No one was at war with him during those years, for the Lord gave him rest” 2 Chronicles 14:6.

God’s calling was apparent; he had chosen Asa to be the king of Judah and to lead His [God’s] people back to the one true God. Throughout the remainder of chapter 14 one can see King Asa answering this calling and trusting in the Lord’s ability and power in striking down Judah’s enemies. When taken to war by the Cushites, King Asa demonstrated his trust in the Lord through this cry-

“Lord, there is no one like you to help the powerless against the mighty. Help us,
O Lord our God, for we rely on you and in your name we have come against this
vast army. O Lord, you are our God; do not let man prevail against you.”
-2 Chronicles 14:11

The Narrative continues with the Lord hearing King Asa’s request and striking down the Cushites before King Asa and Judah. After this, in chapter 15, the Lord issues another calling to King Asa saying that He (the Lord) is with Asa when Asa is with Him; and that He will be found by King Asa when Asa seeks Him, but that He will forsake King Asa, when King Asa forsakes Him. Asa also hears and answers this calling and God was found through King Asa’s passionate and eager seeking. There was no more war until the thirty-fifth year of King Asa’s reign.

The real crisis of this narrative occurs in the thirty-sixth year of Asa’s reign when King Baasha of Israel went up against Judah and fortified the city of Ramah to prevent anyone from entering or leaving the territory of King Asa, This was a great developmental opportunity for King Asa to once again place his trust in God and call for help, but Asa did not. Instead, Asa took silver and gold from the Lord’s temple and his own palace in order to form a treaty with the King of Aram. This treaty stipulated that the King of Aram would break his treaty with the King of Israel, forcing them to withdraw from Judah. Although, Israel was in fact forced to withdraw from Judah through this treaty, King Asa had forsaken the Lord. First, King Asa had taken matters into his own hands and called on the help of man instead of God. Second, King Asa had taken gold and silver from what had been dedicated to the Lord in order to add value to his offer of a treaty with the King of Aram. Lastly, Asa used what he had wrongfully gained to add to his personal wealth and power by building the cities Geba and Mizpah out of abandoned supplies intended for the city of Ramah.

In response to King Asa’s disobedience, God sent word to Asa saying that because of Asa’s neglect to call on the Lord for help, he would not see Judah at peace again in his lifetime. In this narrative, God did not reestablish Himself faithfully because, as God had stated before, if Asa forsook Him, He would forsake Asa. In the same way, I fully believe that if Asa had repented and returned to God, God would have fulfilled His promise to be found by King Asa and return to him. However, Asa never again sought God. Later, Asa was afflicted with a disease and “…though the disease was severe, even in his illness King Asa did not seek help from the Lord, but only from physicians” 2 Chronicles 16:12. Nonetheless, God prevails and enters into communion once again with Judah through the next king, Jehoshaphat.

Although this narrative does not end well for King Asa, I can easily find similarities between him and me when it comes to our individual walks with God. In the same way King Asa eagerly sought God and walked with Him, there have been times in my life where I have also. Conversely, there have also been periods and circumstances in my life where I have forsaken God, much like Asa. I so often find myself abandoning God for what I think I can handle on my own, even though I have witnessed His power in fighting battles for me before. In addition, I also tend to select the battles I want the Lord to fight, and keep some battles for myself- failing miserably. I am fundamentally flawed in thinking that no one understands me or my situations better than I do, and that if I want something done right I should do it myself.
God has shown me time after time the error of this way of thinking. The summer after my freshman year of college I worked at a camp where my primary job as a counselor was to invest in the lives of students and be an example of Christ’s love. However, as God was working in the lives of my campers I began realize His desire to further impact my life as well. This desire was exemplified in God’s urgings to not solely see the deliverance my campers required, but the deliverance I needed also. One night in particular, God brought a sweet girl from my cabin to ask to speak with me alone. Before long, I realized I was sitting with a girl who was completely broken in hatred for herself and the family she felt never loved her. I had never felt so ill-equipped for anything in my life. I didn’t have any words of encouragement, and could find no glimpse of true understanding regarding exactly what she was going through. All I knew was that her hurt was far beyond anything I knew how to heal, and all I could do was hold her as she sobbed against my shoulder. It was then, that I asked the Lord for his help; for a way to comfort her, to show her His love, and to encourage her. We sat for half an hour in nothing but silence and tears as I begged God for something- anything to say or do… and nothing came. Suddenly, the girl ceased crying and sat up, telling me that God had been speaking to her. God had helped her to reach realizations and truths that I never could have accurately conveyed to her. It was then that I realized that God had heard our cries for help and offered deliverance, though not in the way I expected Him to.

More presently, God has been calling me to a life of mission work. After years of fighting God on this instruction, and dealing with selfish anger over how it did not align with my desires- God has changed my heart. I am now at the place where I am yearning to meet this calling. However, regardless of good intentions, I came very close to ignoring God on a matter related to this calling only a few months ago. This occurred when knowledge that God was calling me to mission work and a friend’s planned short- term trip to Europe this coming summer collided. My friend, who also feels called to missions, disclosed to us that she would be going to Europe for a few weeks to stay with other missionaries in various countries and visit several mission organizations while she was there; however, she needed another companion for the journey. Thinking, without going to God about it, that this would be a good decision and a good way to establish connections in missions- I decided to announce to my family that no matter the cost or their opinion, I would raise the money and go. However, my family was a little more hesitant about the decision, and advised me that I should seek God’s counsel and wait on Him. After weeks of refusing to seek His will, I finally decided to just go to Him with my plans (not so much to seek direction, as to further confirm my decision to go). However, I surprisingly did not receive the confirmation I expected- and I didn’t go. Through all the anger and confusion that resulted from this, God opened my eyes to another mission opportunity right here in Abilene at a nursing home. It is definitely through God’s deliverance that I am able to serve there. I am constantly drawn back to King Asa’s words in 2 Chronicles 4:11; “O Lord, you are our God; do not let man prevail against you.”

There is so much that Christians can glean from the story of King Asa. God desires our obedience and to bring us deliverance through the heeding of his calling. King Asa does not differ from other Christians and the struggle we all face to give request help from God or take things into our own hands. God longs to fight our battles, not to forsake us. He desires for us to seek Him and find Him. Exodus 14:14 says “The Lord will fight for you; you need only to be still”. As much as King Asa could have used this reminder, so do those walking with Christ. In this story we are convicted not to forsake God, but to forsake our desire for control. If one cannot humble them self and let God do the fighting, one will not fair any better in times of discord than King Asa.

Isaiah 55:8 - 1

"My thoughts are completely different from yours," says the Lord. "And my ways are far beyond anything you could imagine. For just as the heavens are higher then the earth, so are my ways higher then your ways and my thoughts are higher then your thoughts.

"The rain and snow come down from the heavens and stay on the ground to water the earth. They cause the grain to grow, producing seed for the farmer and bread for the hungry. It is the same with my word. I send it out and it always produces fruit. It will accomplish all I want it to, and it will prosper everywhere I send it. You will live in joy and peace. The mountains and hills will burst into song, and the trees of the field will clap their hands. Where once there were thorns, cypress trees will grow. Where briers grew myrtles will sprout up. This miracle will bring great honor to the Lord's name; it will be and everlasting sign of his power and love."

Isaiah 55: 8-1

The Wilderness

Just when I feel as though God is silent and I have no idea where He is leading me, I am reminded;

the Israelites wandered 40 years in the wilderness because they did not heed God.

Integrity, Despair, and Purpose.

In the 20th century, the well known psychologist Erik Erikson developed a theory involving eight different psychosocial stages of development. He claimed that these stages occur throughout a lifespan, are universal, and each unique stage occurs at a specific period in everyone's life. The video of Johnny's rendition of "hurt" reminds me of one of Erikson's stages in particular.

The last stage an individual goes through is that of Integrity vs. Despair. This stage occurs in old age as one is approaching the end of their time on earth. Erikson theorizes that at the end of their life, human beings tend to look back on what their life was and what it became. In this, they either feel a sense of satisfaction and fulfillment over a life well lived or the despair of a life that was wasted. Although the song "Hurt" was not originally written by Johnny Cash; his rendition of it, coupled with the potent cinematography, illustrates this ending stage of psychosocial development beautifully.

Another fitting example of this stage was expressed thousands of years before Johnny Cash or Erikson and his theory came into existence. The book of Ecclesiastes consists of the writings of a man who is also looking at what his own life has been, and reaches despair in the conclusion that everything has been meaningless.

"All things are wearisome, more than one can say. The eye never has enough of seeing, nor the ear its fill of hearing." Ecclesiastes 1:8

"Yet when I surveyed all that my hands had done and what I had toiled to achieve, everything was meaningless, a chasing after the wind; nothing was gained under the sun." Ecclesiastes 2:11

I wonder if Johnny Cash, or the writer of the song "Hurt", could relate to the book of Ecclesiastes. I think they probably could have. As I watched the video above, it struck a cord in me and left me with several deep and probing questions. When I look back on my life, how do I want to feel about what it became? What do I want to have devoted it to? Is my life really about me, or is it about something greater? How do I find meaning in life? The writer of Ecclesiastes ends his book with this;

"Now all has been heard; here is the conclusion of the matter: Fear God and keep his commandments, for this is the whole [duty] of man." - Ecclesiastes 12:13

The writer has the advantage of experience. In spite of everything he had obtained on earth, he knew what it meant to feel as though his whole existence had been absolutely worthless, to feel as if his life had been void of meaning. Yet at the ending of this book, after wrestling with the foolishness of living life for oneself, he arrives at a life changing conclusion. We were made for a purpose far different and more significant then anything the world tells us is valuable and worthwhile. We yearn for and desire more because we are in desperate need to live the life we were called to. However, we so often confuse this longing with a need for the made, not the Maker.To fear God and keep His commandments is the WHOLE DUTY OF MAN! You want the meaning of life?...There it is. Life will only be lived to its fullest when we are dwelling in obedience to and walking in relationship with our Creator. This is what we were made for.

"For what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal." - 2 Corinthians 4:18

Humble Service

Authentic service to others is one of the greatest examples of humility. A servant will be trampled on, will be taken advantage of, will be overlooked. I struggle with this because every ounce of my flesh wants to fight against being someones "doormat". I have found myself becoming angry and bitter because in my ignorant and immature way of thinking - people should be recognizing my selflessness; and not only that, they should be striving to serve me as well.

However, just as I am mulling over how mistreated I am and becoming more and more bitter over what others should be doing differently and what they should be recognizing in me; I realize that I am struggling with a sin that is a poison to the very heart of service God is trying to cultivate within me. Pride.

The moment I allow anger to arise within me because I feel that I am entitled to something more, I have become proud and selfish. At that point, my heart is no longer a heart of service; it is a selfish and wicked heart that uses the veil of service for recognition and appreciation. It is a heart that is self seeking and is providing service upon condition. I am fooling myself if i continue to think that I am acting out of love for others.

Service and humility are completely entwined. Being a servant requires that I be satisfied in being overlooked, and trampled on. Not only that I be satisfied, but that I consider it a blessing. I need to work on my humility because serving others is impossible if humility is not also present.

As a prisoner for the Lord, then, I urge you to live a life worthy of the calling you have received. Be completely humble and gentle; be patient, bearing with one another in love. Make every effort to keep the unity of the Spirit through the bond of peace.

Ephesians 4:1-3

A House of Cards

"God has not been trying out an experiment on my faith or love to find out their quality, he knew it already. It was I who didn't. ...He always knew that my temple was a house of cards, his only way of making me realize the fact was to knock it down."

I stumbled across this quote last summer in a piece of literature by C.S. Lewis titled A Grief Observed, and can easily say that this quote is one of my favorites. It's the kind of quote that calls you back to re-read it two or three more times. I love that. No matter where I am in my walk with Christ-I find it is always readily applicable. This quote puts into words what I experience time after time. It illustrates a kind of humbling God continually hits his people with; A kind of humbling that I personally need relatively often. Furthermore, this quote confronts its readers with the hard truth that is repeated again and again in scripture - our temples and our monuments to our faith and love are often no sturdier then a house of cards.

This weekend, I had the privilege of working side by side in the front flowerbed with someone who is not only my roommate, but one of the wisest women I know. After nearly an hour of small talk, she took the initiative of asking me what God had been showing me in my walk lately; a verse I had stumbled across in James came to mind almost immediately. As a result, we began discussing faith and how it manifests itself through action. The verse reads like this-

"What good is it, my brothers, if a man claims to have faith but has no deeds? Can such faith save him? Suppose a brother or a sister is without clothes and daily food. If one of you says to him 'Go. I wish you well; keep warm and well fed’, but does nothing about his physical needs, what good is it? In the same way, faith by itself, if it is not accompanied by action, is dead". -James 2:14-17

So often, I am guilty of a faith and a love without action. While we are not saved by our deeds, they reflect the heart of a person. Recently, my actions have been saying that my faith is suffering, and that my walk is frail, inconsistent, and dangerously close to non-existent on a day to day basis. I cannot count the number of times, I have told someone I would pray for them and neglected to do so; or the many years I have attended church without tithing even once. "Faith by itself, if it is not accompanied by action, is dead". My faith and my proclamation of faith is meaningless if that, in and of itself, is all it is - just a proclamation. In this way, my faith is dead and my love is shallow.

Just as love is an action and not an emotion, faith is not limited to just a belief. That kind of faith is inconsistent, easily shaken, and shattered. It is of no more use then a house of cards.