A horse is a vain hope for deliverence.

"No king is saved by the size of his
army;
no warrior escapes by his great
strength.
A horse is a vain hope for deliverence;
despite all its great strength it
cannot save.
But the eyes of the Lord are on those
who fear him,
On those whose hope is in his
unfailing love,
to deliver them from death
and keep them alive in famine.

We wait in hope for the Lord;
he is our help and our shield."
- Psalm 33: 16- 20

I have recently been convicted of the fact that while I have been walking with God, I have neglected to fear him. And if I am not fearing God, I am missing the whole point.

Beneath the Mask

In one of my psychology classes we have been talking about the "persona" and the theory that people are just a series of masks. The idea behind this theory is that we are never our authentic selves; in fact, the "authentic self" may not even exist. Instead, we are a product of different facades we have created in order to better thrive in and relate to the world around us.

The textbook for this class is called "Beneath the Mask", and it poses an interesting question; if there is a mask, what is beneath it? Could it be a series of more masks? Could it be that there is nothing beneath the mask? Or could it be that there is in fact an authentic self, a genuine heart, hidden beneath what one may view as a more appealing facade? Furthurmore, if there is a "real" core beneath the masks, what are the consequenses of disguising our true selves in relation to our faith?

For a long time, I have considered myself to be a very open, genuine and authentic person; and as a result, have appreciated that same vulnerability and openness in others. I have no problem exploring deep issues with someone I barely know. I have not thought myself to be someone who was afraid to let someone know who I am deeply. However, just tonight as I was sitting on my couch mulling this idea over, I realized that I am not as genuine as I thought. I put on mask, after mask, after mask, after mask.This mask-wearing particularly manifests itself in my faith.

So, what does this "faith mask" look like? Well, it looks like I have it all together, it looks like I am constantly in a deep intimate relationship with my Creator and continually seeking Him. It looks like I am completely trusting Him and like i actually believe "I can do all things through Him who strengthens me". It looks like I am not struggling with sin ...at least, not as much as you are. Oddly enough, I find that the times when I am talking deeply and openly with someone I care about and respect are the times when I most frequently put this mask on. I'm even guilty of using the profound revelations of others and crediting them to myself, all in the name of the facade. I often sacrifice pure honesty with someone for a fake sense of openess and authenticity, all the while still wearing my mask. I do this because I'm afraid. Anyone who has ever worn a mask before knows what I mean.

So, while I firmly believe that human beings carry around a collection of masks, I disagree just as firmly with the idea that our masks are all we are. Underneath all those masks, lies an authentic self- a genuine core. The bible mentions this core several times in Psalms 139.

"Oh Lord, you have searched me and you know me... You perceive my thoughts from afar... you are familiar with all my ways... Before a word is on my tongue, you know it completely, oh Lord... Search me oh God and know my heart, test me and know my anxious thoughts, see if there is any offensive way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting."

All in all, we all have masks we wear and we all struggle with removing them to reveal what is underneath. I constantly fight with what it means to be completely vulnerable. However, I take great comfort in the knowledge that my heart is already seen. I am known by my God. And regardless of all the filth I hide, he not only loves me but chose to bless me with far more then I will ever deserve.

Finally, I understand that wearing masks is sometimes neccessary. It is sometimes inappropriate to be completely vulnerable with your children. A facade often must surface when dealing with a challenging relationship; whether with your boss, or a family member, or a mere aquaintance. It is sometimes imperative to put on a mask of courage when one feels like crumbling. But, the masks that I am talking about are the masks that betray the realness of the heart.

I, as a christian, need to remove such facades because the consequences for misleading others are caustic. As a result, I am responsible for painting a distorted image of what it means to not only walk with God, but to be loved by him. No wonder so many believe they are not worthy of God's love. Through all our masks it is difficult for them to see that none of us are.

A Good Reminder

"Do not forget to show hospitality to strangers, for by so doing some people have entertained angels without knowing it."
-Hebrews 13:2

Isaiah 43: 18,19

"Forget the former things; do not dwell on the past. See, I am doing a new thing! Now it springs up; do you not perceive it? I am making a way in the desert and streams in the wasteland." - Isaiah 43:18, 19

A few weeks ago I sat down with my accountability partner in a coffee shop across the street from campus, and (after several minutes of small talk) began to dive into what I had been struggling with the most. My past.

I went on to divulge my guilt and regret over where I had been and decisions I had made within the past year, even the past week... the past day. I then translated that into what I am continuing to struggle with now, and how even just the knowledge and the reminders of my mistakes were affecting my life today and had a significant affect on my current self identity. After awhile of venting my frustration as my friend sat and listened, God hit me with truth in the next thing she said.

"You are not defined by your past."

There is evidence in the bible of how time and time again God continued to love, use and restore his people regardless of their past. One amazing illustration of this occurs in John when the Pharisees brought before Jesus a woman who had been caught up in adultery. Commiting adultery meant breaking one of the ten commandments written out for God's people in Exodus, and as the Pharisees said "...the Law of Moses commanded [them] to stone such women" (John 8:5). However, instead of stoning her, Jesus says that he does not condemn her; and to go and leave her life of sin (John 8:10,11). Another such example is that of King David. King David was a man that God blessed as a result of David's obedience and pursuit of God. Yet, in spite of David's heart for God and his high rank, he- like every other human being- struggled with sin. In fact, in the course of one chapter David commits adultry, attempts to cover up his sin, and commits murder (2 Samuel 11). Nevertheless one does not have to look far to find his repentence in the very next chapter (2 Samuel 12). As a result, God keeps the promise he made to David years before and the lineage of Jesus Christ in carried out through him (2 Samuel 7:8-16).

"You are not defined by your past". But then what are we defined by? In both of these examples a type of humbling occurs. This humbling manifests itself in regret and repentance of sin. True repentance, the kind where one desires to "leave [their] life of sin". It doesn't simply mean asking for forgiveness, but pursuing a heart change in the process. All have sinned and all continually fall short of the glory of God; God created us, He knows that. What matters to God, isn't our past... but where we are going. What he desires from us isn't a perfect life, but a life spent in genuine, humble pursuit of Him.